A Lament*

How long, O Lord, will my soul be sorrowful,

will my heart remain weighted with grief?

How long until you lift my head,

restoring strength to my bones?
You are there and yet I cannot find you.

Your voice remains a mystery to me.

How long will you keep yourself removed?

How long will I remain in this dark night of the soul?

You have hedged me into a wilderness on all sides.

I wander, oh how I wander.

All I have known I know no longer.

Where once I had surety, now I wrestle with doubt.

I have lost and I have lost again,

and still I feel you stripping me bare,

your lion-like claws shredding my idolatry

until I wonder what of myself remains.

Anger overcomes me;

and my heart grows weary.

My enemies came and I welcomed them;

I offered them a place and they took from me,

leaving me naked and alone.

Will the scars of their slander ever heal?

Will I never be the same?

When will my heart be restored?

Was love someone I ever knew?

Or only a stranger seeking selfish gain?

Where was your protection, Father,

when a fool came to woo my heart,

when I kissed his lips in a wooded park?

Why did you wait so long to save me?

I followed you into a den of lions;

were you standing by when they slashed my tender spirit?

Though I looked for it, did I miss the sound of your voice?

Though I diligently read, did I fail to heed your Word?

And why must my heart hold on to these ‘whys’?

What will it take for me to release my hold on them?

What will be strong enough to restore my trust in you?

When will I walk with you again in the cool of the morning,

and be satisfied by the sweetness of your voice?

I remember how I once loved you,

how I was compelled by the greatness of your love for me.

Now I wander aimlessly, wondering if my days matter.

I sit and wait in the darkness,

running my hands along a wall of unbelief,

sensing your nearness, yet unable to lay hold of you,

wanting to know who you are, who I am,

to have faith I will be made whole again.

*For scriptural laments, see Job, Lamentations, and various Psalms. For more understanding I recommend reading A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card.