Day 18

“But safety, as the Cross shows, does not exclude suffering. All that was of course beyond me when I was a child, but as I began to learn about suffering I learned that trust in those strong arms means that even our suffering in under control. We are not doomed to meaninglessness. A loving Purpose is behind it all, a great tenderness even in the fierceness.” Elisabeth Elliot from The Path of Loneliness

A conversation I had this week between myself and Y’shua (Jesus):

Y: It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong to cause this pain. I caused this pain. It was my sovereign choice. You obeyed and I brought you here. Will you love Me?

Me: That’s a tough pill to swallow.

Y: Extremely bitter to the taste, but sweet once it’s down. Will you love Me?

I’m left thinking, to whom else would I go? You have life. I know I will find a way to swallow this pill, to submit my will and my emotions to Him in the midst of this pain, but for now it feels like I’m still sizing up the immensity of it, trying to imagine a way to fit it in my mouth, to swallow it down without choking. Some things can’t be rushed.